Story Time

From /b/, courtesy of /prog/.

Too fucking long. This article is too long. Where did you copy it from?

01/02/08(Wed)00:39:16 No.49733872

Miko stood uncomfortably in her short skirt and blouse in front of her new boss. She was scared and embarassed by the unusual alterations to her body. Her petite breasts were now big and round, with thumb-sized nipples making little tents in her blouse. Her new PENIS was big enough to raise up her skirt and just poke out from under the edge of it. And her belly felt really weird.

"So you just want me to... pee?" she asked hesitantly.

"That's right, just into this cup," said her boss. "Just try it out."

"All.. All right..." she said. She was flushing a deep red. But suddenly she actually had to pee. It was tough making her muscles relax in front of a strange man, but eventually she could feel the liquid traveling down her PENIS from its base to its tip. It was cold!

Her boss held the cup out and after a couple seconds it filled with a red liquid. "Good job," he said. "Now see what it tastes like!"

She took a sip and it wasn't bitter at all, like urine, it was sweet! It tasted just like cranberry juice!

"And if they want ice, you know what to do," her boss said. "Yup," said Miko. She was ready to go on the floor.

The first table had a man and two women, probably a couple and a sister out for a date. She walked up and asked them what they wanted.

"We'll have two cranberry juices and a Pilsner for my sister," the man said. "Just a second," said Miko. She walked over to the man's glass and relaxed her muscles. Nothing happened for a couple seconds, but then her big half-erect PENIS filled with cold juice and out of the tip came a red splash of juice into the cup. Soon it was full. She used her hand to squeeze out the last drops.

01/02/08(Wed)00:41:08 No.49734033

"Do you want some ice?" she said. She squatted and pulled her skirt up to reveal her beautiful behind, little pink button right in the center. She pushed and from behind you could see the clear piece of ice, completely clean, squeezing through her butthole, falling into the glass. It was really cold! Two more came out, plop! plop!

She had no idea what they'd done to her gut but it was really weird. She kinda liked it! The whole situation was making her aroused and she was getting really stiff!

After she filled the woman's glass from her inexhaustible PENIS (there was always more juice and she could change the flavor just by thinking), she opened up her blouse and drew some beer from her huge breasts for the other woman. But as she was walking to her next table, one of the other tables called her over. There were two guys there, probably in their twenties. One of them was having ice cream.

"Hey, waiter! Server!" he called. She walked over, conscious of the fact that she wasn't carrying any equipment - plates, cups, food, anything. Everything she needed was all inside her new body. As she walked up to the table, she could feel the weight of her erect PENIS wobbling from side to side, cold from serving the juice. It felt really odd. She wanted to shake it back and forth for some reason.

01/02/08(Wed)00:41:57 No.49734110

"Thanks so much", said the guy when she reached his table. "Just a second..." He grabbed her erect PENIS and brought it over to the ice cream. It felt so weird to have this stranger's hands around her PENIS. But he began moving his hand up and down her shaft, applying the right amount of pressure, and it began to feel really good. She hadn't been told about this part of the job! She could feel a warm feeling right above her VAGINA right at the base of her PENIS that began to spread into the shaft. He sped up and the pleasure spread throughout her body as she rapidly approached orgasm. It was a jangling, pulsing feeling that she hadn't ever felt before! She broke through an invisible wall, moaning and hiccuping in astonishment, as great steaming chocolate gobs of syrup spurted out onto the man's ice cream.

He slowed down as she spurted and when she was done he sucked the last bit of syrup from her glans. The whole thing had taken around twenty seconds. She wanted to collapse on top of this young man but instead she smiled and said, "Have a nice day sir!" and walked to her next table.

01/02/08(Wed)00:42:46 No.49734170

Miko stood behind a thin plywood wall at the festival outside the cafe with plugs in her ears. Passers-by looking at the wall would see a painted picture of a woman at the beach, but Miko's gigantic, creamy naked breasts stuck out from two holes in the wood through the torso of the painted woman's svelte swimsuited figure. Miko's erect PENIS stuck out incongruously and egregiously through another hole in the wall, not lining up in any aesthetic way with the woman's body. Miko couldn't see if anybody was looking. Her PENIS hardened further and she flushed bright red, knowing that everybody could see her most private parts but nobody knew it was her. A minute passed in electrically charged silence. Because of her earplugs, she didn't know whether there was a crowd out there or anybody at all. Suddenly she felt a hand grab her left breast. She drew in a sharp intake of breath. Whoever it was began to knead it slowly. She arched her back in arousal, and imported German beer sprayed out from her nipples. Then she felt the tongue on the head of her cranberry-red PENIS...

01/02/08(Wed)00:46:39 No.49734481

I have been an atom, a goat and a mountain. I have seen the stars and blown as a brisk wind through ancient twilit fjords, tousling the hair of young skraelings on distant worlds. I have lived in the minds of men and beasts. I have known ultimate pleasure and come near to true enlightenment: I have seen the mind of a god. But I am a man. I owe all this to an amazing friendship that came out of nowhere. Or rather, the friendship began before either of us were aware the other existed.

I live on a hill in the city, near to a lake. A hundred years ago, when the city was young, the lake was a giant swamp, but as people moved in to the area it was cleaned up into a nice park. Now the water is blue and clear, except for a few algae-ridden weeks in the summer, and it laps gently on grassy banks. A concrete path, divided into lanes for walking and biking, runs through the park all the way around the lake - a circumference of around three miles. It's really convenient for me because I can jog down there in the morning, run around the lake, and be back home in time to shower and catch the bus for work. But it's also a nice place to meander around on the weekends. There are always a lot of interesting people there.

Near the northwest corner of the lake is a small, muddy island, peeking maybe five feet out of the water. Trees have taken advantage of that small purchase and spread their branches out over the surrounding waters, and you have to maneuver around logs and underwater branches for a while before you can land a boat there. From the shore, it looks like a hemisphere of leaves rising from the lake. Within sight of the island, as the path curves around the lake, is a boxy brick building that used to be a bathhouse eighty years ago and now is derelict - a storehouse for the boat center. I was walking past that building one Saturday in mid-October when I met her for the first time.

01/02/08(Wed)00:47:49 No.49734567

It was a sudden and odd feeling. I felt for a split second that I was walking through someone else's dream. But before I had a chance to be surprised, the eerieness passed and the world flipped back to normal. My mind reeled, and as I recovered, something caught my eye. A girl - was she there before? - was sitting on an old log that the park preserved as a home for birds and small animals. She was looking away from me towards the water, and playing with something in her hands. It glinted silver in the cloudy light. I glanced away, but something caught in my mind and I glanced back. She was not only young - around six or seven, it looked - but also eerily diminutive: she was in all respects about three quarters the size of a normal girl her age. Her head was about as big as two of my fists put together, her features delicate and gracile. She would have been light-framed even if she were normal sized, and her hair was long and dull brown. As she sat on the log her expression was blank and listless and she took no notice of the world.

I saw no adult nearby and I started to wonder if she was safe. The wind was blowing and her hair whipped around her long face. Hesitantly I walked over to the log. I realized I had no idea what to say. How do you address a child who has nobody watching over her, but is sitting by herself as quietly and calmly as ever, completely unworried? I remembered when I was that age and I got lost at the fair. Just being without an adult completely freaked me out and I started bawling. A kindly old lady helped me to find my school group, who were in fact just in sight fifty feet away. I couldn't imagine being so young all on my own and yet so placid.

01/02/08(Wed)00:48:26 No.49734627

"Excuse me, miss," I said awkwardly. But I didn't actually say it, because the moment the words formed in my mind the girl's back tensed and she turned her expressionless face to look at me, silencing me completely. After a second, her eyes opened the slightest bit wider and she spoke to me. "Where did you come from?" she said. Her voice was husky as if she had a sore throat.

"I, I, I'm Anders," I said, as if that answered her question. But apparently it did, because she looked me up and down and when she looked back at me there was a hint of a smile in her eyes. "I don't know you," she said. "You are kind, though." She looked down at the thing in her hands and I saw that it was a little silver bangly thing, with four or five oddly shaped links all falling over and through each other.

"What are you holding there?" I said. She looked back at me with grey-green eyes. "It's a puzzle," she said. "I'm trying to get it to come open. It's supposed to come apart." It looked like one of those little metal puzzles that you get at magic stores, the ones that seem like they're hopelessly linked together, but then suddenly you get them apart and you can never remember how you did it. "Can I try?" I asked.

01/02/08(Wed)00:49:14 No.49734689

She hesitated for a moment and then held out the puzzle. I walked over and took it from her hand. There were more links than it had seemed when she held it, and I jingled it around for a few seconds to no avail. "I figured out how to fix it a bit but I don't know what to do next," the girl said. I handed it back to her and she fiddled with it for a bit and showed it to me.

It seemed to have less links than before.

I was pretty amazed. "That's really neat," I said, and she put it in a pocket after a second, and glinted at me with her eyes. I remembered why I had walked over to her. "Are your parents around?" I asked.

She looked at me askance and said, "I can't tell you, you're a stranger." She didn't seem to be too alarmed at this, though. Perhaps she knew not to talk to strangers but hadn't quite acquired the proper associated fear. I needed to persist. "Are you here all by yourself?"

"No, I have the ducks to keep me company, and the lake to keep me warm," she replied impishly. "And I have you now too. Are you my friend?" Her face revealed a flash of something I couldn't identify. Some kind of sadness?

01/02/08(Wed)00:50:02 No.49734769

I was surprised, both at the strange question and at the sudden hint of color in this inexpressive creature's face. "Umm, I met you five minutes ago," I said. I was about to say something more, I don't know what, when a voice called out across the grass.

"Esther! Esther, what are you doing?" The girl flickered as if a sudden cloud had obscured the sun, which was odd because it was already quite cloudy. She turned towards the voice, which turned out to be a blonde woman in her late twenties carrying a canvas tote bag and wearing a thick sweater. "Mom, I made a new friend!" She said. The mother glanced at me in uncertainty and turned back to her daughter. "Sweetie, it's time to go to Kendra's house and I have to do some errands," she said. "I've got your jacket for you, now let's go to the car. Come on, honey."

"But I have to stay here, mommy. I want to talk to Anders." I remembered I had told her my name.

"This man has to go now, honey. Come on, let's go back to the car." The woman didn't meet my eyes as she herded her daughter away from me, while the girl put up typical six-year-old struggles. I realized I hadn't said anything to her. Caution is understandable, I thought, seeing your daughter talking to a strange burly man like she knows him.

01/02/08(Wed)00:50:59 No.49734842

The whole thing was rather odd, and I stood at the log for around a minute. Why had she called me a friend so soon after calling me a stranger? The wind blew gently and the few people on the path walked by, absorbed in their own affairs. But then I dismissed it from my mind and continued on my way around the lake.

The next day was really the day it all started. I woke up earlier than usual. I can never remember my dreams, but most of them are fuzzy, interminable affairs with trailing threads that I have to gradually shake off as I approach wakefulness. This day, however, my dream actually worked itself to a conclusion and dumped me out fully awake into the world. The memory of the dream drifted away, but I remained amazingly alert and rested. I sat up and checked the clock - it was 5:30 AM. The world was still dark.

Early dawn may be my favorite time of day, but it's rare that I ever get to experience it. I jumped out of bed and realized that I wanted to go running, so I quickly brushed my teeth and put on a sleeveless shirt and some running shorts. It was going to be cold, but I was used to it; a little chill keeps me moving quickly and if I wear too much, then I eventually get unpleasantly sweaty and hot. I donned my shoes and went out into the dark morning.

01/02/08(Wed)00:51:55 No.49734915

The cloud cover was thick and the dark sky was tinged with the barest beginning of dawn by the time I reached the lake. It had rained overnight and a bunch of slick, dark leaves were strewn over the concrete and gravel. The paths were almost empty, but a few stoic locals were running and walking their dogs. They were all wearing sweatshirts. As my warmth melted away, I realized that it was after all much colder than I had thought. There was nothing to do but run faster. Halfway around the lake, the wind picked up and a fine mist of cold rain began to fall. My thin clothes were soon soaked and the skin on my face and chest went half numb. I touched my face and it felt like dolphin skin, clammy and thick.

I decided to take the bus, so I headed for the bus stop. A short while later, the bus had stopped at a traffic light outside of the library when all of a sudden this huge black snake head with retarded-looking eyes pops through the window and screams loudly "HAVE YOU READ YOUR SICP TODAY?" With almost no thought I departed the bus, and I ran inside as quickly as possible; the snake head was now chasing me around as I frantically searched for the legendary book among the shelves. I spotted the distinctive blue cover and ran toward it, the huge head inches from my ass. With great force I pulled the book from the shelf and instinctively directed it at the black head which by now was dripping with saliva at the mouth. It disappeared as it made contact with the book, disintegrating into a flurry of glowing parentheses.

01/02/08(Wed)00:52:40 No.49734980

I sat there dazed for a few seconds, watching the feathery parentheses slowly become smaller and fade away into nothingness. Slowly, I stood up, still clutching the purple book. I wondered about what I should do with it, then decided to put it back on the shelf. After doing so, I walked back out to the exit and boarded a bus, for where I did not know. The bus driver looked strangely familiar as I dropped the coins into the farebox;

"HAVE YOU READ YOUR SICP TODAY?" he suddenly yelled at me. Oh fuck, I thought to myself. Now I knew why he looked so familiar: He was The Sussman!

"Umm... no," I responded weakly. Suddenly his head looked a lot darker than it was a moment ago, and an evil grin appeared across his face. The bus's doors slammed shut and The Sussman's face turned an almost negroid black. His left hand shot at me and I could see that it was not a hand, but the head of a snake which protruded from its end. I turned around and ran towards the back of the articulated bus.

01/02/08(Wed)00:53:43 No.49735060

"Let me show you the power of Satori," The Sussman said in a deep hiss. His snakelike arm extended from his body towards me as I continued to run for what seemed like eternity towards the longbus's rear door.

"Longbus is loooooooooooooooooooooong", I thought to myself as I continued to run, the snake's head fast approaching. The bus seemed to go on forever. After a while, I passed the driver's seat. WTF, I thought. Ahead of me was The Sussman, standing in the aisle facing the same direction as me, with his left arm pointed forward.

I looked behind me, and saw the snake head was still approaching; I had managed to outrun it for a bit, and it was racing towards me. RECURSION! I jumped into the stepwell just as the head gained a sudden burst of speed, piercing through The Sussman and sending bright glowing parentheses everywhere. I watched first his body, then his hands disintegrate in the same manner that the head had earlier. The long black arm, floating in mid-air, slowly disappeared into a cloud of these glowing parentheses, and the snake's head, which I now noticed had come through the windscreen along with me, did the same after a few moments.

I stepped over to the driver's seat, looking for the door release switch. I found what appeared to be the switch and toggled it, but the doors did not open. Shortly after, a low hissing sound emanated from the bus itself, followed by the loud booming cry of "HAVE YOU READ YOUR SICP TODAY?", which felt as if it was coming from inside my head. Suddenly everything turned black.

01/02/08(Wed)00:54:28 No.49735111

A woman stood there, entirely naked. Her hair blew in wet waves around her head. Her skin was covered with flecks of rain. Her breasts stood out deliciously and generously from her finely-formed frame. From her head to her heels she was golden, curvaceous and real - real both because nothing about her was fake or affected and because she seemed utterly solid and inevitable. She was absolutely beautiful and when I looked at her I felt strongly in two ways. First, that I knew her well, or that somehow she fit exactly with me, as if I had out of the blue found something I had dreamt from whole cloth. Second, that I wanted to grab her savagely, bring her mouth to mine and kiss her with desperate passion, kiss her all up and down her rain-wet body, suck on her perfectly-formed nipples, and never stop touching her, lying under her in the grass breathing gently after we become tired, holding my arm around her body as she drifts into sleep. I looked up at her, hesitant to move. It was only when she smiled and shifted her weight slightly that the fact hit me: She was not some extension of myself, some manifest thought of mine. She was filled with a life all of her own.

I stood there for a second in awe and sat down on the ground. Although the rain had not stopped, the grass was mostly dry. The all-pervading wetness of October was gone and instead I felt a hopeful humidity all around me. I sat there in the blue dawn and felt something begin deep inside me, a new idea twisting with potential. I closed my eyes. The warmth that blew around me kindled a warmth in my body. Although my eyes were shut, I felt my whole self filled with light that glowed softly golden. I was aware of every part of myself, all filled with this light. A great lamp shone deep within my torso, brighter and brighter, pumping through the ventricles of my heart, beams coruscating through my mind, down along my spine, through my kidneys, down to my feet..

01/02/08(Wed)00:55:10 No.49735168

When I finally came around by the island, the morning was kindling in the deep blue sky. The basin of the lake reverberated like a bell and the sound, which was beneath human hearing, was translated into that living blueness. As I ran, I couldn't help but mull over my odd conversation with the solitary girl. It really was beyond explanation, what with the weird bangle and her strange but subtle shifts of mood. My thoughts were interrupted, however, when I suddenly felt the same strange dreamwalking feeling again. It was as though I had crossed an invisible line. The wind suddenly changed directions and the new gust blew warm.

The bliss was almost shocking. The wind blew around me and over my wet skin. Numbed limbs and muscles awoke to what felt like the warming breath of spring. The air was tangible and thick with healing, and carried not the smell but the essence of a whole forest of awakening flowers and newly growing plants. The inner rhythm that kept my feet moving fled right out of me and I stopped on the grass. I closed my eyes and felt acutely that I could expand through the warm air like ink dropped on wet paper. The wind blew through me with life and the unexpected gift made me fill with gratitude. The wind still blew warmth softly around me, but the heartbreaking glow was gone. I opened my eyes.

01/02/08(Wed)00:57:12 No.49735302

I awoke to find myself still inside that mysterious bus, which was completely empty. The engine was still running, and it was still parked outside the library. "The library! Of course!" I thought to myself. As if my mind had been read, the front doors swung open and I ran from the bus toward the library, which also looked empty. I entered the building and frantically ran to where I had found the prized book earlier. The book was still there, and I grabbed it instinctively, then walked to the checkout. All but one counter was open, and there was a little Asian girl standing there; the place was deserted except for me and her. I put the book on the counter and she looked at it for a moment, then at me. "Have you read your SICP today?" she asked.

I came up to my knees in front of her. My face was on level with her chest a couple feet away from her. She said nothing, but her face broke into a full smile and she put her hand underneath my chin, looking at me. It was with that touch, feeling her hand's heat against my face, that I knew that she and the glow that had burned through me were somehow one and the same. I reached out my hand and gently put it against her breast. It was just a bit bigger than my hand -and my hands are pretty big! - so I traced the underside of it. She looked at me with an impish grin and took her hand from my face, putting her arms behind her back and thrusting her chest a bit towards me. I let my fingers sink into her breast, my thumb pressing down her nipple, which sprang right back up as I passed over it. Her breast was soft but more dense than I was used to in my limited experience. Or, I should say that it was denser than usual for her size. I moved my hand and let it fall slightly back into its natural perkiness.

01/02/08(Wed)00:58:02 No.49735370

"You too?" I replied. "Have some tits and then GTFO and read your SICP!", she angrily unexpectedly shouted, then pulled up her shirt to show me her tits. She shoved the book into my hands and disappeared almost spontaneously amidst the dark area of the counter.

I left the library, and waited at the bus stop. The previous bus was no longer there. The girl I saw earlier walked up to me and looked at the Wizard Book I was holding, then glanced down at my crotch.

01/02/08(Wed)00:59:24 No.49735498

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING STANDING THERE LIKE AN IDIOT? READ IT!" she suddenly shouted. Astounded, I quickly opened the book and started to read the first chapter. I was so intrigued by the book that I didn't notice she had begun to give me a blowjob. When I looked down, she took his mouth from my cock to angrily shout "GO BACK TO READING YOUR SICP" and so I did. I didn't even notice that I came until after she told me to stop reading. Reverently I ran my hands down her body on either side from her armpits down to her knees. In a bit, out a bit, back in along the thighs. Rainwater ran with my hands and beaded up after they had passed. I took hold of her lower back and placed a slow kiss right under her bellybutton. Her skin felt soft but at the same time tight with vigor and life, an electric warmth against my lips. Gradually I traveled in a string of kisses up the center of her stomach until the top of my head grazed her breasts. Instead of shoving my way through the soft canyon I slowly stood up into a crouch and began again with a kiss right on the top of her cleavage, journeying up past her collarbone and her solid but graceful neck. I paused for a moment to look into her eyes as I stood up to my full height. Her face was full of an amazing joy that was beyond my understanding. Years and years of patience and starvation cracked and revealed an untouched soul.

01/02/08(Wed)01:00:52 No.49735596

I embraced her tightly to me and kissed her tender and long. I would say that it was the best kiss of my life, but taking into account subsequent events I can't stand by that statement. Suffice it to say that the moment our lips touched, I ceased to be a man and became instead a pair of lips, opening and closing, caressing, totally subsumed in the movement and transformation of the mouth I was kissing, and when she gave me her tongue I accepted and reciprocated. It may seem silly to say but even her tongue was full of life and joy, quick but tender. I spread my hands across her lower back, my fingers just barely dimpling the top of her glorious ass. The kiss was passionate, strong but not savage, and every deep breath spooled out into turbulent rivers of time.

A short while later, the bus arrived and I boarded, relieved to see the bus driver acting normally. She remained at the stop, presumably to wait for a different bus. Throughout the ride to my place near the lake I nervously glanced at the windows hoping the head would not reappear.

She was gone and I hadn't even said a single word to her once we boarded the bus. But as I looked around in a daze, feeling again the touches of the brisk autumn breeze, I stepped on something.

A silver blacksmith's puzzle.

01/02/08(Wed)01:01:49 No.49735661

I grabbed the puzzle from the ground. It was maybe a little bit more coppery, maybe a little bit bigger, but I was sure it was the same one that the little girl had shown me the day before. Esther? Was that her name? I jangled it around for a bit, still basking in the glow of the impossible thing that had just happened to me. Just like before, it was really tough to get an idea of exactly how many parts there were in the thing. There were around six links or so, but as soon as I thought I had a count I discovered another ring or realized that I'd started on the wrong one and had to start over. I couldn't get a fix on it, but I was beginning to get serious chills from the wind and the rain. As far as I could tell, the area was completely empty. I had to start running again.

As I ran, as my body began to stoke its own furnaces against the pervasive cold, the amazing joy faded into memory, and all of the mysteries of the past couple days piled up into one intractable question. The conversation with the little girl had been odd, but it hadn't flaunted the rules of our universe like the encounter with the glowing woman. However, the strange blacksmith's puzzle seemed to link both meetings. Who was I dealing with here? Were these two people somehow the same? But then, I met that girl's mom and then they drove off in a car. None of it fit together, and the puzzle jingled in my pocket. All I knew was my stomach felt as though a thunderstorm were brewing there, and my mind reeled as if I was standing on the brink of a huge C++. I was too shaken to know whether I was bewildered, terrified or falling in love. I ran the rest of the way around the lake and up the hill to my house as if fueled by righteous anger.

01/02/08(Wed)01:02:23 No.49735705

By the time I got home, the grey morning had fully dawned. I was scheduled to begin my shift in fifteen minutes, but instead I called in late and took a long, hot shower. Warmth seeped back into my bones and I calmed down enough to face the day. When I got to my job my manager gave me a lecture and a warning for coming in late, but the day was good overall. Everybody seemed to be charged with that autumn energy that emanates from the friction of dry leaves as they blow around in piles on the pavement. I couldn't stop revisiting that morning in my mind, playing it over and over, remembering the golden power just under her skin, the exuberant goodwill that I felt from her. On the bus back home I took her puzzle out and set out determinedly to solve the thing.

The rings were connected each to at least two others, and they weren't quite circular. There was also a piece that looked like a bulbous U, prevented from disconnecting with the others by its odd shape. I flipped pieces over and through in many ways but I wasn't able to make a real change in the thing's configuration. I had gotten one of the rings over to a different part of the U and was trying to flip the others around or through it when the bus arrived at my stop. My heart pounded in my ears. I jumped to my feet, shoved the puzzle in my pocket and ran out of the door, making a direct line not for my house but for the lake. If there was any chance at all, I needed to meet her again. The sky darkened and the clouds thickened. Rain began to fall suddenly. I looked up just in time to see a huge black snake head forming amongst the clouds.

01/02/08(Wed)01:03:20 No.49735784

"HAVE YOU READ YOUR SICP TODAY?" it asked.

I ran past the old bathhouse to where I had first seen the little girl. I crossed the line where I had felt the dreamwalking feeling before but I was too excited to notice anything. Panting, I neared the log where I had talked to her and sat down on it myself. The lake was forest green under the clouds and the wind moved the cattails sporadically back and forth, but whoever, whatever it was I had met those times showed no sign of themselves. After a few minutes of growing disappointment, I stumbled down to the lakeside.

"Ummm, hello? Are you there?" I said softly, speaking to the wind and the ripples, hopefully out of earshot of the people on the path behind me and the head in the sky, which the other people didn't seem to notice, nor did they the darkening of the sky. A duck swam by, eyeing me skeptically. "I really want to see you again. This morning..." The wind picked up a bit. A couple leaves floated by, landed in the water. Nothing happened. "Who are you!" I shouted, more loudly than I intended, and my voice broke. I turned and strode back up the hill, the head still glancing ominously at me from its place in the clouds.

01/02/08(Wed)01:04:05 No.49735853

I was falling in on myself with frustration. Wheels in my mind were turning and grinding without any fruit. I must have looked terrible because everybody on the path seemed to be staring at me. A couple I passed glanced at me and the woman made a whispered remark to the man. When I looked at them they shifted their gaze straight ahead in embarassment. I felt extremely self-conscious and picked up the pace. But as I came to the next bend, who should come walking around the other side than my friend Jenna.

She actually saw me before I saw her. "Hey! Anders!"

I groaned silently. This was not the time for friendly conversation. I knew Jenna from a project I had gone on into the mountains to build trails a few years back. It had been a fantastic trip. In those three weeks, I made some lifelong friends. Normally I would have loved to stop and chat, but I was feeling seriously shaken and bewildered and I wanted to get home. I put on a smile which must have looked slightly strange on my preoccupied face and greeted her. "Hey Jenna, what's up? How are you?"

01/02/08(Wed)01:04:47 No.49735912

"Just great! Yeah, I'm almost done for the day so it's lucky I met you. What's up with you?" Jenna was blonde and pretty small, at least compared to me. She had a compact body that went up and down mountains like a goat. But her face was all round lines, bright eyes and a slightly flat nose. She had an infectious, hardy liveliness that often helped me out when I was struggling on the project, but she was often a bit blunt. I liked hanging out with her, especially with a group of other friends but right now I didn't want to deal with her.

"Well, I-.. I .. just got off work and I thought, What a good time for a little stroll. I love the wind this time of year." I was grasping for straws.

"Yeah, me too," she replied. "I go around twice most days, you'd think we'd meet more often." Then she paused for a second and looked at me more closely. My discomfort must have been showing. She started to go on but then stopped again. "Anders, are you okay?"

01/02/08(Wed)01:05:38 No.49735981

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm--"

"You look sort of pale. Are you sure?"

"Well, I think I might be coming down with something. I've been sort of hoarse." No lie indeed, my voice sounded like I had just eaten a curry.

"Ok, well, take care of yourself." She made as if to leave, but turned back. "We should really hang out more often, you know. Call me up sometime, maybe we can get everybody together."

"Yeah definitely, that sounds great. WVP represent." I held up my wrist with its nylon cord bracelet and she pulled back her sleeve to show hers. She flashed a smile. She suddenly looked really attractive to me, her small, firm breasts under her jacket and T-shirt complementing her slender but tough frame. Before I could shoo the thought out of my head she stepped close and gave me a quick hug.

I was surprised and ended up giving her the patented pat-on-the-back manhug. I laughed nervously. "Now you've probably got whatever I've got."

"I think I can take it," she said with a grin. She was about to say something else too but I cut her off.

"Hey Jenna, it's been nice seeing you but I've got some stuff to do at home, so.."

"All right, see you later I guess." A hint of disappointment?

"Yeah, definitely," I said. We waved to each other and began to walk away. But she shouted back to me.

"Call me, OK?"

01/02/08(Wed)01:06:13 No.49736036

The head in the sky had remained silent, but now decided to ask again in a loud booming voice: "HAVE YOU READ YOUR SICP TODAY?"

"YES!" she suddenly looked up at the sky and screamed at the head. "How could she have read the Wizard Book? Did she just become aware of the head?" I thought to myself. But there was no time for that. The black head slowly started to descend from the clouds.

"Now look what you did!" I scolded her angrily. The head had now reached an altitude where I could see its menacing grin, and it appeared to shrink to the size of a small car.

"Don't worry," she casually said, suddenly producing a copy of the Wizard Book. "I am a Knight of the Lambda Calculus."

She faced the descending head and held the book with both hands, waiting for its attack. The snake lurched forward, disintegrating into a flurry of glowing parentheses when it hit the book.

"How did you...?" I stuttered. "Because I can. You should just accept everything I say, I don't HAVE to give any reasons for my arguments because I am an EXPERT PROGRAMMER."

I grunted and continued on towards home. I felt unstable at some fundamental level, unable to go back over the conversation and determine how strangely I was acting. Jenna was also acting strange somehow, but I wasn't really able to understand that either. I felt a bit of regret for leaving her so abruptly, so I decided to call her up later. It had been a while since we had seen each other. I just had to get home for the night, have dinner, relax in a warm chair, a warm bed.

Through the whole evening I felt a yearning resonate in me, the memory of that girl harping a deep note on a cello string in my gut. I carried it with me that night into sleep.

01/02/08(Wed)01:07:19 No.49736120

The sky was light and the wind was blowing early the next morning. I awoke out of a cloud of amazing dreams, which although they all blurred together in my memory had all touched on the fantastic encounter the day before. I sat up in bed. I suddenly realized that I didn't care who or what was in the waters at the lake, I wanted to join it, be a part of it, that I had already fallen in love. The whole mystery that obsessed me yesterday was of no consequence, or rather, now I realized that I needed to fully abandon myself to it rather than solve it.

As this feeling crystallized in my head, quite from nowhere I had a breakthrough concerning the blacksmith's puzzle. I hopped out of my bed and retrieved it out of my pants pocket. I focused on it entirely and unconsciously and although I can't tell you exactly what I did, the steps came clear and unbidden straight to me, and step by step I put the puzzle through its changes. When I was done, the links were still inextricably bound together, but I had been able to break up a large cluster into two symmetrical subunits that were both still linked to the central U. The understanding of the solution slipped away from me as soon as I tried to figure out what I had done. But I was certain what I had to do now.

There was no hurry. My work schedule didn't cross my mind once. I slipped into a new T-shirt, jeans and a jacket and walked straight down to the lake through soggy leaves and brisk fall air. After grabbing a coffee at one of the little stands across the street from the park, I reached the lake and walked towards the bathhouse.

01/02/08(Wed)01:08:28 No.49736205

I knew as soon as I crossed the line that something was drastically different. Before, walking across the line had been like walking into a dream, and for a little bit when you were inside you forgot what things were part of you and which were not, but the feeling quickly passed. Now it was almost a tangible barrier. I crossed it and felt like I was walking into water, making a splash that sent out ripples in unseen directions. Every step was a push through deep fluid, and as I walked I felt an awareness build up around me, all through every part of the air, the bushes beside me, the path under my feet, and I partook in it as well. Everything around me awoke and became more and more hyperfocused on me. Standing on a hill above the water, I brought my hand out of my pocket and held out the puzzle. I was astonished to see that it was glowing pearly white and frantically going through changes, adding rings, twisting patterns, often in three states at the same time. The world trembled like a wave and the sky glowed twisty purple and I got the impression of two great eyes rising over the horizon, bending distance, pulling me into them.

I spoke and the universe spoke with me: "SHOW ME"

Space came unwound and gushed forth in crazy geometries like jpeg artifacts freed from their picture. I could feel my mind unspooling out of the cramped recursive loops that create consciousness, my mind stretching itself out flat and revealing its fundamental structure. The last sensation I had was a crazy, reckless, righteous elation, expanding to fill all the universe.

01/02/08(Wed)01:09:13 No.49736252

The sky was light and the wind was blowing early the next morning. My dreams echoed in my head. I had had some huge revelation, but the actual substance of it, as always, faded as I rose into waking consciousness. However, I was tired and the echoes of significance were more pleasant than whatever was waiting for me in the actual world, so I pulled the covers up over my head and tried to coast along in a half-asleep daze for another hour or so as I so often did.

Thoughts of the strange woman who had appeared to me at the lake merged with my dreams and drained right out of my head.

It felt like some time had passed. I looked at the clock and it was 6:45 - still an hour until I had to leave for work. I had time to burn. I turned over and realized I had the biggest case of morning wood in my clinical history as far as I could remember it. I was engorged and thick and I could feel myself powerfully pressing against the mattress. Unconsciously I began to push in and out against the bed, slowly and steadily building up tension, controlling my arousal. I started in on one of my most common fantasies.

---

Miko stood uncomfortably in her short skirt and blouse in front of her new boss. She was scared and embarassed by the unusual alterations to her body. Her petite breasts were now big and round, with thumb-sized nipples making little tents in her blouse. Her new PENIS was big enough to raise up her skirt and just poke out from under the edge of it. And her belly felt really weird.

01/02/08(Wed)01:10:27 No.49736373

"So you just want me to... pee?" she asked hesitantly.

"That's right, just into this cup," said her boss. "Just try it out."

"All.. All right..." she said. She was flushing a deep red. But suddenly she actually had to pee. It was tough making her muscles relax in front of a strange man, but eventually she could feel the liquid traveling down her PENIS from its base to its tip. It was cold!

Her boss held the cup out and after a couple seconds it filled with a red liquid. "Good job," he said. "Now see what it tastes like!"

She took a sip and it wasn't bitter at all, like urine, it was sweet! It tasted just like cranberry juice!

---

The scene played itself out in my head like a movie. Usually I can't hold the whole thing in my head, but now it was all there, every little detail. I kept the thrusting slow to keep my climax at bay. I was totally in control.

01/02/08(Wed)01:11:36 No.49736444

---

"And if they want ice, you know what to do," her boss said. "Yup," said Miko. She was ready to go on the floor.

The first table had a man and two women, probably a couple and a sister out for a date. She walked up and asked them what they wanted.

"We'll have two cranberry juices and a Pilsner for my sister," the man said. "Just a second," said Miko. She walked over to the man's glass and relaxed her muscles. Nothing happened for a couple seconds, but then her big half-erect PENIS filled with cold juice and out of the tip came a red splash of juice into the cup. Soon it was full. She used her hand to squeeze out the last drops.

"Do you want some ice?" she said. She squatted and pulled her skirt up to reveal her beautiful behind, little pink button right in the center. She pushed and from behind you could see the clear piece of ice, completely clean, squeezing through her butthole, falling into the glass. It was really cold! Two more came out, plop! plop!

She had no idea what they'd done to her gut but it was really weird. She kinda liked it! The whole situation was making her aroused and she was getting really stiff!

---

I was holding strong and steady. I felt like I could keep going for ages. I let myself come almost to orgasm and then reined myself back in. I wasn't done with this story.

01/02/08(Wed)01:12:52 No.49736542

He slowed down as she spurted and when she was done he sucked the last bit of syrup from her glans. The whole thing had taken around twenty seconds. She wanted to collapse on top of this young man but instead she smiled and said, "Have a nice day sir!" and walked to her next table.

Normally I would have come along with the poor girl in the fantasy, but I found that today the road stretched further into unimaginable heights. I passed the normal point of orgasm and the tension kept building, collecting in my PENIS and all up and down my spinal column like a spring. The good feeling before orgasm collected and built as if in a feedback loop, intensifying past the normal pleasure of ejaculation, towering into a golden frenzy. The fantasy kept on.

01/02/08(Wed)01:13:41 No.49736608

---

Miko stood behind a thin plywood wall at the festival outside the cafe with plugs in her ears. Passers-by looking at the wall would see a painted picture of a woman at the beach, but Miko's gigantic, creamy naked breasts stuck out from two holes in the wood through the torso of the painted woman's svelte swimsuited figure. Miko's erect PENIS stuck out incongruously and egregiously through another hole in the wall, not lining up in any aesthetic way with the woman's body. Miko couldn't see if anybody was looking. Her PENIS hardened further and she flushed bright red, knowing that everybody could see her most private parts but nobody knew it was her. A minute passed in electrically charged silence. Because of her earplugs, she didn't know whether there was a crowd out there or anybody at all. Suddenly she felt a hand grab her left breast. She drew in a sharp intake of breath. Whoever it was began to knead it slowly. She arched her back in arousal, and imported German beer sprayed out from her nipples. Then she felt the tongue on the head of her cranberry-red PENIS...

---

I came. In fact I came and came. It was glorious. After around fifteen seconds my underwear were filled with spooge. I had to hop quickly out of bed before it soaked through and stained the sheets. In the bathroom, I slid the wet underwear off of my body and stepped into the shower. My pubic hair was matted pearly-white and my PENIS was still half hard. I washed myself off and my underwear too for good measure. The shower felt really good, and by the time I was done I was sure I was going to be late for work. But after I toweled myself off, I rushed to the clock and it was only 7:30. Just enough time!

01/02/08(Wed)01:14:30 No.49736667

I threw on some clothes, grabbed some change, and ran down to the bus.

Since I work downtown, the bus ride takes up to an hour. I usually either try to sleep or bring a paper to read on the way. Today I felt so fresh and awake that I didn't even need reading material. I hopped onto the bus and sat down in the front.

I always love taking furtive looks at my fellow passengers on the bus. It's one of the few public spaces where people sit down near each other and actually feel comfortable carrying on conversations, reading their books, doing homework. I try to figure out their favorite authors, what subjects they're studying, what patches they have on their backpacks. But the bus is also a difficult place to start a conversation with someone: it gets awkward talking to a perfect stranger after about five minutes, and then you're just staring at each other for the rest of the ride, the ice having been broken but neither person having a good idea what to say. So people generally make little comments about the weather and stay in their pretended privacy, as if they weren't squinched into a narrow seat between a ponderous juggalo and an elderly woman who smells of cat food.

Today the bus was mostly empty. Two or three middle-aged women in sweatsuits. A nervous man with a sport coat and tie. A South Asian couple, probably high school age, linked arms, the girl immersed in her cell phone and the boy looking out the window. The bus stopped at the primary school and instead of the usual gaggle of six-year-olds tied up with string, on walked a young woman. My heart skipped a beat.

01/02/08(Wed)01:15:26 No.49736741

She was the spitting image of Miko from my uniquely well-realized fantasy. Half East Asian, half caucasian, nervous, naive features, and beautiful large soft round breasts, cradled in a fuzzy blue sweater. She looked flushed, as if she had run to catch the bus, and she had dark circles under her eyes. She sat down on my side of the bus, one seat between us. I forgot to breathe, let alone to worry about her noticing my unabashed ogling. But amazingly, nobody seemed to see either of us, and she seemed to be too exhausted to register my presence. I mastered myself, but not before I stole a curious gaze at the crotch of her blue jeans. There wasn't any sign of a gigantic PENIS. I don't know whether I was relieved or disappointed.

A short while later, the bus had stopped at a traffic light outside of the cemetary when all of a sudden this huge black snake head with retarded-looking eyes pops through the window and screams loudly "HAVE YOU READ YOUR SICP TODAY?" I ran off the bus as quickly as possible; the snake head was now chasing me around as I ran among the tombstones, searching for something that I felt instinctive to. Suddenly I stopped and walked to a particular tombstone. On it was inscribed the huge letter Lambda, and underneath was written

HERE LIES THE CORPSE OF GERALD JAY SUSSMAN HE READ HIS SICP, HAVE YOU?

01/02/08(Wed)01:17:00 No.49736858

"Use this," I heard a voice from behind me say. I turned around to see her standing there, holding a copy of SICP. Instinctively I took it from her and placed it in front of the tombstone. We both crouched down and held each other, singing the SICP theme song and a short prayer.

Once we had finished, I looked at her and the book resting on the tombstone, then back at the bus; the snake head was no longer there. "You? You were that snake?" I asked dubiously. "Yes. I am glad that my master The Sussman has now had a proper finish to his recursive tail-call. And now I shall go join him. Thank you for assisting me to reach Satori." I noticed behind closed eyelids a light getting brighter. Gently I disengaged and looked into her face. Her entire body was glowing softly. I released her and, where I had been touching her, where her breasts had been squished against my shirt, my clothes and skin glowed for a moment, then quickly faded. She placed her hand on my shoulder and brought my head down to give me a light kiss on the forehead. Then she turned towards the lake, looking over her shoulder at me. She began to evaporate into those same glowing parentheses.

"SNAKE? SNAKE!? SNAAAAAAAAAAKE?!?!"

01/02/08(Wed)01:17:57 No.49736932

In a matter of seconds all traces of her had vanished, leaving only the purple book next to the tombstone. I was alone. I picked it up and walked back to the bus stop. Once I got home, I put the book on my shelf next to my box set of TaoCP and K&R, sat down at the computer, and went to img.4chan.org/b/.

"Miko stood uncomfortably in her short skirt and blouse in front of her new boss. She was scared and embarassed..." I typed into the comment field. Another epic IRL adventure I'd share with /b/, I thought to myself.

01/02/08(Wed)01:19:00 No.49737016

"... it was sweet! It tasted just like cranberry juice!"

I finished my post and clicked Submit.

01/02/08(Wed)01:20:20 No.49737095

'"And if they want ice, you know what to do," her boss said...'

I continued typing out the next few posts.

01/02/08(Wed)01:20:49 No.49737121

This was all...

I mean, it was rather silly.

01/02/08(Wed)01:22:52 No.49737246

Several dozen posts later, I finished the last words to my adventure:

"Several dozen posts later, I finished the last words to my adventure:"